March 7, 2021
I must have a vision in order to keep on keeping on…
August 3, 2021
William and I married one another not once, not twice but three times! This entry has taken its toll on me to write, (hence why it is about a week late to post). Nineteen years ago today William and I were married for the second time. This time in our church in Denver with friends and family celebrating with us. This week I find myself back in New York City, back in the city where we first declared our love and commitment to one another; back in the city where we lived and raised our beloved daughter; back in the city that was always home to my sweet William, back in the city that he loved dearly. I have found myself having to confront places and people that at this time was quite overwhelming emotionally and physically. However, as I recounted these many memories with a friend, and as we attempted to capture “the essence of William,” I have found myself so desperately missing and longing for him. To see his face. To touch his face. To have him touch mine and to hear him whisper my name once more, but alas all I heard were eerie whispers of another time and space. A time and space that seems so much more real than the one I am currently in. This trip was meant to interview and visit with friends who knew William, so that we could gather (as aforementioned) “the essence of William,”’ and the documentary film that The Carrol Foundation is currently working on, could begin. All that he was, and is – was made so clear and relevant during this visit. To those of you who shared a story, a memory, or an encounter, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Going back to the message, The Value of a Vision. William says something that resonated within my very broken heart. That the disciples had to grasp from the moment they were given a vision, and they had to choose to see God in a way they hadn’t, even if they had seen Him prior under so many glorious circumstances. This time, for them and for me, was going to be different. I have a choice right now to believe “the vision” that God has shown me and choose to follow, but I will admit it is hard to take it all in although knowing myself. I know that I will ultimately acquiesce and acknowledge the “vision” which the following excerpt from the message speaks of:
Below is an excerpt from “The Value Of A Vision”
"I think there was something about the nature of this particular problem that took them by surprise. They had seen things that no one had seen up until that point. They had experienced things that no one had experienced up until that point. But they had never seen anything like this, and there comes a time in every life when we experience something different than anything we have ever seen before. There are times in your life, and times in mine, when we encounter a kind of attack that is unlike anything that we have experienced. Even if our life experience is overcoming devils and even if in our life experience we have overcome one demonic attack after another, every now and again something happens in life that seems to be utterly overwhelming and so what Jesus did was - he gave them a vision that also was greater than anything that they had ever seen before in their life. Now, you understand this vision came before they would confront the problem. The bible says that it begins with the idea of prayer. Jesus invites them into a place and he reminds them that in this place they are going to see heaven manifested on the other side of the hill. As we said before, they were about to see hell manifested. They were about to see the devil showing his power. So in preparation, the Lord said I am going to show you things in God that you have never seen before. Now, remind yourself they were walking with the Lord. They were talking with the Lord. They heard his teachings. They saw his miracles. They knew him. But he said, I am going to take you places that you've never been before. I'm going to show you things in the heavenlies that you've never seen before. You are going to see demonic warfare like you've never seen before, and you are going to see the kingdom of God like you've never seen before. He begins by taking them into a mountain and he starts to pray. This is basically God saying to you and to me, I am going to now show you what it is like, not simply to pray to God, but to pray with God - to allow the Holy Spirit to cause you to pray in ways that you never could on your own. "