February 07, 2021
It’s the evening after the funeral service. I am so blessed by the old and new friends who have gathered around me; they have supported me; they have become pillars on my left and right and at my front and at my back. I am weary from the day, but oh so grateful for the supernatural comfort that only comes from my God, my sustainer. Though I am struggling with “this comfort,” as I don’t want it right now but know I must walk in it. So as I try my best to be grateful and know that without it I would be utterly swallowed up, I am fully aware that most around me do not understand this and either think I am doing much better than I ought or that I am suppressing my feelings, but for those of you who have been there realize that because the one whom you have called lover, friend – all that you have been and done together does not cease when they do. One must continue in the way that they have known, whether it’s been for days, months or years; which for me was to comfort those around who needed comfort and what I found was that in my chance to comfort, I was comforted as well.
If I have learned anything, it is this… Do Not Grieve Alone.
We may have different moments and memories of the one we are grieving but we are committing an injustice to that one if we don’t as those people who have been reached and loved only extend to where their physical arms could reach.
“God is not ashamed of your tears.
-Pastor Will
God is not ashamed of your pain.
God is not ashamed of your questions.
It’s for you to know the God you serve is patient.”
So for those who may need “permission,” as I have heard many times over the last week while listening to people trying to “be strong.” “We lost our teacher, our pastor, our friend… but you, you lost your husband and your daughter, her father.” While all this is true, I had to speak up and remind as many who would hear and then choose to grieve with me, to those I reminded that yes I did “lose” my husband and my daughter her dad, but we also lost what you lost: our teacher, our pastor, our friend, so why should we not be able to come together and grieve all the things this person was to us and remember him together?
Throughout the week of the journal entry from above, God led me to this sermon, When God is Silent and Hope is Hidden. It’s a story about a woman who would not let God hide and who would not let Hope die. The following is an excerpt from this sermon. I would highly encourage you to listen to. It “hit home” for me, and it is a part of my journey:
“For the Christian person, when it seems as though, as they say, the heavens are brass when it seems as though the prayers go to the ceiling and bounce back to the floor when it just seems as though God is not listening; I want to suggest that there are times when even though God is always listening and always attentive to our prayers, there are times when he does not indicate it, there are times in fact when he would have us to press a little harder and to push a little farther and so there are times when he will seem to be silent and hope seems to be hidden.”